apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
