I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The power of my boobs compel you
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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