I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And then my night got REAL pukey
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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