My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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