I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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