I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
How's work?
Spinning.
We left an ass print on the piano.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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