i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
