god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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