You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
