i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize