It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I intend to get homeless drunk
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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