I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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