Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
