I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
