he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
