chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
