I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
