From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
