it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
