Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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