so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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