remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
