you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
