I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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