At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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