what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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