You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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