Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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