Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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