god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
