I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
