new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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