I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
