i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
