He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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