I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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