There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
