This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
