I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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