ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
