Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
