I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
