what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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