idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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