My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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