4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
