I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
