Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
