Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
