the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
