woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize