She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
