I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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