he shaved USA in his pubs
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
