I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
