I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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