Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
They are going to name an STD after you.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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