You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
