I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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