he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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