five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
