Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
