Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
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I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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