I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
