You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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