Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
