I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
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It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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