are you still at the devil's house?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
barbara walters just said penis...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
