you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
