why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
