I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
