be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
