i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
