hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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