just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
