The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize