Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No subtext here. People are naked.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
