that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
